Worry wart

Sometimes, I worry about myself. And then I worry about everything else that I could possibly have to deal with.

Is that kid next to me tapping his pen? Or am I hallucinating that sound? Is there a disease where hallucinating the sound of someone tapping a pen is a symptom? Oh, wait. He is tapping his pen. Is it possible to politely ask someone to be less annoying?

Why didn’t anyone text me back? Are we not friends anymore? Oh no, what if they all got kidnapped and that’s why? What am I going to do? I’m a horrible person to worry  about petty things like text messaging when everyone I know is on the brink of death.

I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you. I didn’t even want to look at you. I was just trying to look up at the clock. Please stop making eye contact with me now. Okay, this is weird. I’m looking away now.

If a teacher passes papers to your row in a class and you notice the stack is one short, whose responsibility  is it to tell the teacher? Is it mine because I noticed? Is it the person behind me because they are the victim of the situation? What if it’s my responsibility to get the extra copy and I don’t, so the person behind me never gets a handout and fails the class because of me?

If I drink regular soda, I will get diabetes. If I drink diet soda, I will get cancer.

Things that I cannot control are especially stress-inducing. A small child will sneeze on me one day and give me a terrible disease that will cause me to be quarantined and exiled from society, only to die a slow and painful death. Television schedules. Weather patterns. The list goes on.

At least I’ve matured enough to stop having to worry about being seen with my mother in public, the ultimate “uncool” thing of being 12.

I keep myself up at night because I worry that I will not be able to fall asleep.

I worry about worrying too much. Conversely, I also worry about not worrying enough and missing something that deserves my concerned thoughts.

Note to self: look up anxiety disorders on Web M.D. I, like, forsure have one.