In my days scooping ice cream, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve had time to develop complex opinions on the ice cream that I scoop. I’ve thought about the flavor, the texture, and the visual appeal of my ice cream creations. Which is why I’m here today to establish the definitive best and worst items available at Cold Stone and Dairy Queen (seasonal items excluded).

Cold Stone

The Good:

That’s How I Roll
This is the best ice cream creation on the menu, as it manages to taste exactly like a cinnamon roll. The original version of this comes with cake batter ice cream pecans, cinnamon, and yellow cake, but substituting the pecans for caramel elevates a good ice cream, into the best one available.

Birthday Cake Remix
The Cake Batter ice cream is, overall, the best ice cream available at Cold Stone, and the signatures are no different. This one has brownie, fudge, and sprinkles, making it taste like a gooey chocolate cake.

Apple pie a la Cold Stone
There are some signatures at cold stone that are better deals than others because they come with four ingredients, one of those being this dish. The best non-cake batter creation, this French Vanilla ice cream includes cinnamon, graham cracker, apple pie filling, and caramel.

The Bad:

Somewhere Over the Rain-dough
This signature creation has cookie dough ice cream sugar crystals, frosting, and sprinkles in it. Wow, you took the three blandest mix-ins and put them all together. It’s so unsurprising that this is the worst signature creation

Vanilla Lite ice cream
The Vanilla Lite ice cream is sugar and dairy free and it tastes like it. This ice cream isn’t just bland it’s disgusting and tastes reminiscent of cardboard. Avoid this ice cream at all costs.

Dairy Queen

The Good:

Caramel Nut Roll Blizzard
Maybe the biggest surprise on this list, the underappreciated Caramel Nut Roll Blizzard features caramel, marshmallow, and peanuts. The marshmallow and caramel massively elevate the flavor of the ice cream, and the peanuts add a perfect twist to each bite, with the sweet perfectly complimenting the nutty flavor.

Mint chip shake
The best tasting and best looking shake at DQ is the mint chip shake. When the chocolate dip sauce is blended with the cold ice cream, it turns the chocolate sauce into small little droplets of chocolate, and then spreads them throughout the minty shake.

The cakes
Dairy Queen cakes are made entirely from ice cream, which is the best way to make an ice cream cake. The issue with cakes that have both ice cream and cake is that the cake has to be stored frozen, meaning the cake is too hard and dry when it’s just out of the freezer, and by the time the cake is thawed, the ice cream has melted. But with the all-ice cream cakes, each layer is exactly right.

The Bad:

Cookie Dough Blizzard
Bland. What else is there to say about this Blizzard? It’s just a couple of cookie dough chunks in vanilla ice cream. It’s not terrible, as there’s nothing “wrong” with it, but there’s just so little in the Blizzard, that there’s little point in ordering it.

Royal Blizzards
First of all it’s important to establish that Royal Blizzards cost more than regular Blizzards. Royal Blizzards are supposed to have a liquid middle layer, with the type of liquid varying depending on the Blizzard. For example, the New York Cheesecake Blizzard is supposed to be a Cheesecake Blizzard with a strawberry middle layer. The issue with Royal Blizzard is that, more often than not, the middle layer is small, or missing entirely, making the treat a bit of a rip-off.

Now, some might disagree with this list. Unfortunately for them their opinions are wrong. This is the definitive list that will last until the sun burns out. And anyone who disagrees will just be stuck eating sub-par ice cream.