Cynical alternatives to homecoming

This article is meant to be sarcastic and it’s not a reflection of your personality whether you choose to go to homecoming or not.

For some students, West’s homecoming is one of the most exciting nights of the year, yet others would like to be as far away from the event as possible. If you fall into the latter party, and would rather listen to “Never Gonna Give You Up”` on a loop for two hours than attend the dance, here are 10 alternative ways to spend the night.

 

1. Passive aggressively scroll past photos on Instagram without liking any of them. 

 

 

 

 

2. Get a reservation for 10 at Monica’s and then don’t show up. Take it a step further by selling the premade reservations to groups trying to get in last minute.

 

 

 

 

3. Create a floral decoration out of corsages and boutonnières and watch them shrivel up over the weekend. Ponder how this symbolizes our fleeting years of high school.

 

 

 

 

4. Recreate homecoming poses with your dog in your pajamas.

 

 

 

 

5. Write about your teenage angst by candle light (from the Bath and Body Works Fall Collection).

 

 

 

 

6. Drown your sorrows in several packs of Strawberry Kiwi Capri Sun.

 

 

 

 

7. Listen to the “High School Musical” soundtrack on repeat and analyze the cliches that it represents.

 

 


 

8. Get fully dressed up, then go eat fries in a McDonald’s booth in your formal wear.

 

 

 

 

9. Gear up in your Sunday best and head down to the Marriott to finesse a slice of cake from a wedding reception. Don’t forget to take a pic and use the wedding hashtag.

 

 

 

10. Harvest the money and energy you saved by not attending the dance into creating a zombie Halloween costume. Pro tip: to create the complex of zombie skin on your own face, simply fail to manage time and don’t sleep for a week.

 

Art by Emma Hall

 

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