The extreme, the niche, and the wacky (political ideologies)

WSS Arts Editor Jack Harris ’22 breaks down lesser known, but still interesting, political ideologies in layman’s terms.

Are you tired of the status quo? Do you ever feel sick with the lack of ideological diversity in politics? The truth is that both the Democratic and Republican parties are economically right, diplomatically nationalist, civically authoritarian, and societally conservative. So why not take a trip and explore some of the most… “wacky” political ideologies ever proposed.

Bizarre forms of anarchism:

The flag for Anarcho-Monarchism  

First of all, let’s establish what anarchism is. Anarchism is not a society devoid of government where all crime is legal (but we will get to a political system that is). Instead, anarchists believe that as long as a state is under a system of government, there is oppression. Anarchists want to abolish all unjust hierarchy and have a society where responsibilities are voluntary and power is distributed horizontally. And just for the record, yes anarchism can work, Spain was actually implementing it across the country in the 1930s before fascists took over the country.

Anarcho-nihilism: Anarcho-nihilists believe that life is completely meaningless, and that things like society, government, and morals are all just artificial constructs that exist to control the individual and should be destroyed. They can basically be summed up as “Life is meaningless and so is government.” 

Anarcho-pacifism: Anarchism but somehow supposed to be established peacefully? I mean war is bad and all, but do you really think the bourgeoise is just going to hand over their power?

Anarcho-Monarchism: There are several proposed methods for how anarchism with a monarch would work but the only one to ever be somewhat present in the real world is a symbolic monarch, and the case of Emperor Norton, First Emperor of the United States, Protector of Mexico, and homeless beggar of San Francisco. Norton the first was a homeless man from San Francisco, who in 1859, declared himself Emperor of the United States and began to make declarations such as calling for the construction of a bridge between San Francisco and Oakland. Norton I obviously had no real power, but he did serve as a kind of philosophical guide for the people of San Francisco, and is credited with being the reason that people from San Francisco still refuse to call the city “Frisco,” as Norton I declared that doing such was a high misdemeanor and would result in a $25 fine. 

Anarcho-Primitivism: Anarcho-Primitivists believe that all technology is bad and we should return to a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, even though that means a solid 95% of the global population would die. Also likely to worship a sun god.

Funky fascism:

The flag for Esoteric-Fascism

Fascism is an extremely far-right ideology characterized by dictatorial rule that includes the forced suppression of opposition groups. But what happens when you add a little bit of spice?

Esoteric-fascism: A spiritualistic version of Nazis. Every esoteric fascist is a little bit different because everyone’s religious beliefs are a little bit different, but the important thing to remember is that these people think that Hitler was the second coming of Christ.

National-bolshevikism: National-bolshevikism is a mouthful so most just refer to this as nazbol for short. Nazbol is the unification of the extreme right and extreme left. They believe in a communist economy, with the abolition of private property and the rich, while also being very culturally conservative (kill all Non-Aryan races and all that jazz). It’s basically communism for evil bigots.

Eco-fascism: If there’s any ideology on this list set to become more relevant in the future it would be this. Eco-fascists are just like regular Nazis, except instead of blaming the jews for the economic issues, they blame the jews for climate change. With the increasing threat of climate change, and as the effects become more and more severe, eco-fascists could see a rise, as more and more angry people look for someone to blame and a cause to rally behind when it comes to environmental collapse. 

Hypothetical ideologies that no person has ever actually had (hopefully):

The flag for Social-Darwinism

These ideologies have never had any sort of political movement in recorded history, and some of them aren’t even possible in our current world. That being said, these are the most extremist ideologies that exist, and therefore the most fun.

Collective-consciousnessism: Everyone is assimilated to and controlled by one mind. For further explanation, watch season two, episode three of “Rick and Morty.”

Ingsoc: Ingsoc, A.K.A. English-socialism, A.K.A. orwellianism, is an ideology based on the novel “1984” by George Orwell. The purest form of totalitarianism, Ingsoc is where the state has total control over every individual, and micromanages every single aspect of every single person’s life. Like all other ideologies in this section, Ingsoc is a fictional ideology, created by Orwell as a hyperbolic critique on authoritarianism.

Social-darwinism: Now, technically in late 1800s America and Britain, there were systems of power in place called social-darwinism. However, deregulation and lack of workers’ rights isn’t true social-darwinism. Social-darwinism is as economically right as possible. Deregulation? How about literally everything being legal including murder. This ideology is the pure embodiment of the phrase “survival of the fittest.”

Communalism: Do you love communism? Well now get ready for SUPER COMMUNISM. The abolition of private property (houses, businesses) was good, but now it’s time for personal property to go too. Your toothbrush? Now it’s OUR toothbrush. Are you tired and need a place to sleep? Literally walk to the nearest bed and go to sleep, because everything belongs to everyone now! All thanks to the power of communalism.

Ideologies that are just wacky:

The flag for Kakistocracy

Neo-reactionism: Neo-reactionists believe that the enlightenment is the worst thing to happen in the history of anything ever. They want a return to the time before logic was a trait that was valued and people didn’t think for themselves, instead choosing to follow religion and a monarch. 

Communist-capitalism: Ah yes the most beautiful contradiction in all of politics. Although in reality, this ideology has been more successful than any other mentioned in this list. Why? China. China has a system in which some industries are privately controlled, and others publicly. If these private entities get too large, the government takes control of them and municipalizes the company.  There are other potential ways for communist-capitalism to work, such as capitalism, but every year there’s a big festival where the rich people get eaten.

Anti-Centrism: Anti-centrism isn’t like most other ideologies. The only thing anti-centrists believe in is that centrists suck. They wish to unite all extremists, from anarchists to fascists, in order to defeat the centrists and overthrow the status quo.

Accelerationism: On its own, accelerationism is fun. It advocates for the rapid destabilization of society in order to give rise to a new one. The goal is basically to collapse society and implement your new system of government so fast that no one else will have time to usurp you. But where accelerationism gets really fun is when it becomes more defined. Take for example posadism. Posadism is similar to most other left-wing ideologies, such as communism, but posadists believe that civilization must be ended through means of nuclear war, and that there are intergalactic socialist alien societies waiting to help us rebuild a socialist society after the fallout. However, the possibilities of accelerationalism aren’t just limited to nuclear destruction. Psychedelic socialism is a counter-culture left-wing ideology that believes there is only one way to implement socialism. Psychedelics. The belief is that if everyone were to expand their minds through the use of psychoactive narcotics, society would advance faster than ever before and a communist utopia would be the result. 

Kakistocracy: Kakistocracy is a society run by idiots. The least qualified members of society are selected and put in charge. Although unintentional kakistocracy and incompetent leaders have been around as long as time itself, there are two forms of intentional kakistocracy that are embedded in any democracy. The first form of intentional kakistocracy is to create accelerationism. After all, if you want to collapse a society what better way to do it than by putting an idiot in charge? The second form is through protest voting. Protected by the U.S. Constitution, protest voting is voting for the least qualified candidate in order to spite those in charge. Voting for Kanye West? That’s a form of kakistocracy. What about Vermin Supreme? He’s the king of kakistocracy. As long as there are moronic politicians, kakistocracy will have its place, whether intentionally or not.

Most extremist ideologies will never rise to power. The U.S. is never going to become an anarcho-primitivist or communalist state. Yet, these extremist ideologies still deserve their place. People will always deserve the right to believe in whatever bizarre, nonsensical, or logistically impossible political system they want, and that is exactly what these wacky ideologies provide.